Girl: My mom got mad at me for doing it in the bed.
Friend: Really?
Girl: Yeah, I'd just gotten a new mattress, so...
Wednesday, November 3
Sunday, October 24
It's Because They Have No Souls
Girl: Hey you! Ginger! Yeah, I'm talking to you!
Ginger: WHAT?
Girl: You suck, you're such a loser, I hate you! Go away Ginger, that's right!
(Ginger walks away)
Girl (to friend): Fuckin' gingers.
Ginger: WHAT?
Girl: You suck, you're such a loser, I hate you! Go away Ginger, that's right!
(Ginger walks away)
Girl (to friend): Fuckin' gingers.
Sunday, May 30
Um.
Barista Girl: Ovaries!?
Barista Boy: Whaaat!?
Barista Girl: Oh, you said elbow grease. I thought you said ovaries.
Barista Boy: Whaaat!?
Barista Girl: Oh, you said elbow grease. I thought you said ovaries.
Tuesday, May 18
Kumbaya, My Lord
Girl: She graduated kumbaya!
Teacher: Cum laude?
Girl: Oh yeah. I got it confused with the song.
Teacher: Cum laude?
Girl: Oh yeah. I got it confused with the song.
Monday, May 3
Do you have a catchphrase too?
student to p.e. teacher: "Coach, can we turn the sprinklers on?"
teacher: "No. Why? Wait, why do you have a sweater on? Take it off."
student: "I can't. It's my thing."
- high school football field
Tuesday, April 27
I Guess Even Jocks Learn Something In Bio..
Track Coach: Guys. Stop staring at the girls and do your strides.
Track Guy: But coach, I can't help it, it's a glandular problem!
Track Guy: But coach, I can't help it, it's a glandular problem!
The Greatest Invention Yet?
Female student: Use "legit." Not "legitimate."
Older male teacher: Oh, I'm hip to that. Don't assume that just because I'm Victorian... When I'm at my "crib" chilling with my "homies"...
Female student: Oh, and say "sketch."
Older male teacher: Is that... is that short for "sketchy?"
Female student: Yeah!
Older male teacher: You kids think you invented slang.
Older male teacher: Oh, I'm hip to that. Don't assume that just because I'm Victorian... When I'm at my "crib" chilling with my "homies"...
Female student: Oh, and say "sketch."
Older male teacher: Is that... is that short for "sketchy?"
Female student: Yeah!
Older male teacher: You kids think you invented slang.
Wednesday, April 21
Oh No The Soviets Di'int...
Studying student 1: Oh snap. OHHH snap.
Studying student 2: what?
Studying student 1: I feel some DRAMA coming on...
*drawn out pause*
(exasperated) between the Soviet Union and the US!
Friday, April 16
ABSolutely
History teacher, in relation to Putin: He's kind of like Teddy Roosevelt, but he has a better body.
Wednesday, April 14
Double Trouble
Female Student #1: Yeah, there were actually Communists in the government. There were those twins..."
Female Student #2: Twins? You mean the couple?
Female Student #1: Oh, right.
Teacher: It would've been more interesting if they were twins.
Female Student #2: Twins? You mean the couple?
Female Student #1: Oh, right.
Teacher: It would've been more interesting if they were twins.
Monday, March 29
24 Hours 7 Days a Week
Blonde to friend about baby names: Yeah, I knew a Wednesday. I also knew a Tuesday, and they weren't sisters.
Sunday, March 28
To Be Green, Easy It Is Not
Student: Over the course of like, 30 seconds, his voice went from kermit the frog to yoda!
Monday, March 15
Baby Making Time!
Bearded man: 'So many of my friends had kids. You know the ones that are married, sometimes they're on purpose...and sometimes they're not.
So wait, you actually know that you don't look natural?
Teen with knowing nod: 'But you can't even be fake tanned because then all that'd do would bring out the orange.
Thursday, March 11
Tuesday, March 9
Oh What Is The World Coming To?
Teen girl: OH my god I love Jane Austen! She did such a good job directing Pride and Prejudice. I loved that movie.
Sunday, March 7
Wait, You Mean It's Not The Same Thing?
Girl to friend: "I don't mean ACTUALLY friends. I mean, like, facebook friends."
I would like to apologize for the disgraceful lack of updates. More to come, hopefully...
I would like to apologize for the disgraceful lack of updates. More to come, hopefully...
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