From Sea To Shining Sea

Sheltered student: "Well then why does everyone want to live in the United States?"
Disgruntled classmate: "Not EVERYONE wants to live here."

Keeping It Real

Freshmen#1 : I hate knock offs.
Freshmen#2 : Me too.
Freshmen #1 : Especially of things that should NEVER be knocked off. Like Snuggies.

Have Faith! God Works Miracles!

Snarky Teacher: So the quarter grades will be available next monday..
Student: *gasps, crosses herself, and puts her hands together looking at the ceiling*
Snarky Teacher: They're already printed. Praying won't help anything.

Realisticly

Giggling Blonde: I feel SO high right now.

Patronizing Friend: If you were high, I wouldn't be here.

Jurassic Park Catholicism

Girl 1: *squinting at piece of paper* What's that?

Girl 2: It's Raptor Jesus.

Girl 1: Who?

Girl 2: Raptor Jesus. He went extinct for our sins!

Girl 1: Oh. Who's that next to him?

Girl 2: The Pope.

Give and Take

Girl Discussing European Affects on Native Americans: They gave us syphilis. We gave them herpes. Sorry.

I Swear It's A Condition

Big Eyed Girl To Humoring Friend: No, seriously. Today I convinced Shelly* that I had a chronic illness called 'lateitis.'

humoring Friend: What's that?

Big Eyed Girl: It affects a part of my brain so that I have trouble regulating time and that's why I'm always late to class. *maniacal laughter* She believed every word!

To Each Her Own

Tall Teen to Short Friend: Yes, and you'll be advertising that you're into all types of incest!

Spinoza Would Be Proud

boy, to friends: I bet I'm funnier than both of you!
friend #1: hah! No way. We're Jews; we invented comedy.
friend #2; Yeah, we were the first stand-up comedians - stand-up philosophers!

- high school library