Location, Location, Location

Girl: My mom got mad at me for doing it in the bed.

Friend: Really?

Girl: Yeah, I'd just gotten a new mattress, so...

It's Because They Have No Souls

Girl: Hey you! Ginger! Yeah, I'm talking to you!
Ginger: WHAT?
Girl: You suck, you're such a loser, I hate you! Go away Ginger, that's right!
(Ginger walks away)
Girl (to friend): Fuckin' gingers.

Um.

Barista Girl: Ovaries!?
Barista Boy: Whaaat!?
Barista Girl: Oh, you said elbow grease. I thought you said ovaries.

Kumbaya, My Lord

Girl: She graduated kumbaya!

Teacher: Cum laude?

Girl: Oh yeah. I got it confused with the song.

Do you have a catchphrase too?

student to p.e. teacher: "Coach, can we turn the sprinklers on?"

teacher: "No. Why? Wait, why do you have a sweater on? Take it off."

student: "I can't. It's my thing."

- high school football field

I Guess Even Jocks Learn Something In Bio..

Track Coach: Guys. Stop staring at the girls and do your strides.
Track Guy: But coach, I can't help it, it's a glandular problem!

The Greatest Invention Yet?

Female student: Use "legit." Not "legitimate."

Older male teacher: Oh, I'm hip to that. Don't assume that just because I'm Victorian... When I'm at my "crib" chilling with my "homies"...

Female student: Oh, and say "sketch."

Older male teacher: Is that... is that short for "sketchy?"

Female student: Yeah!

Older male teacher: You kids think you invented slang.

Oh No The Soviets Di'int...

Studying student 1: Oh snap. OHHH snap.

Studying student 2: what?

Studying student 1: I feel some DRAMA coming on...

*drawn out pause*

(exasperated) between the Soviet Union and the US!

ABSolutely

History teacher, in relation to Putin: He's kind of like Teddy Roosevelt, but he has a better body.

Double Trouble

Female Student #1: Yeah, there were actually Communists in the government. There were those twins..."

Female Student #2: Twins? You mean the couple?

Female Student #1: Oh, right.

Teacher: It would've been more interesting if they were twins.