I Guess Even Jocks Learn Something In Bio..

Track Coach: Guys. Stop staring at the girls and do your strides.
Track Guy: But coach, I can't help it, it's a glandular problem!

The Greatest Invention Yet?

Female student: Use "legit." Not "legitimate."

Older male teacher: Oh, I'm hip to that. Don't assume that just because I'm Victorian... When I'm at my "crib" chilling with my "homies"...

Female student: Oh, and say "sketch."

Older male teacher: Is that... is that short for "sketchy?"

Female student: Yeah!

Older male teacher: You kids think you invented slang.

Oh No The Soviets Di'int...

Studying student 1: Oh snap. OHHH snap.

Studying student 2: what?

Studying student 1: I feel some DRAMA coming on...

*drawn out pause*

(exasperated) between the Soviet Union and the US!

ABSolutely

History teacher, in relation to Putin: He's kind of like Teddy Roosevelt, but he has a better body.

Double Trouble

Female Student #1: Yeah, there were actually Communists in the government. There were those twins..."

Female Student #2: Twins? You mean the couple?

Female Student #1: Oh, right.

Teacher: It would've been more interesting if they were twins.

24 Hours 7 Days a Week

Blonde to friend about baby names: Yeah, I knew a Wednesday. I also knew a Tuesday, and they weren't sisters.

To Be Green, Easy It Is Not

Student: Over the course of like, 30 seconds, his voice went from kermit the frog to yoda!

Baby Making Time!

Bearded man: 'So many of my friends had kids. You know the ones that are married, sometimes they're on purpose...and sometimes they're not.

So wait, you actually know that you don't look natural?

Teen with knowing nod: 'But you can't even be fake tanned because then all that'd do would bring out the orange.

Private School Education At Its Finest

17-year-old Girl: Wait, so was I born in the Nixon era?